OK, this seriously needs to be addressed. What is the mindset behind owners of vanity license plates? We suggest a new definition for “1 Per Centers”: The number of vanity plates that are either 1) witty, or 2) understandable.
Exhibit 1: “Budees” … really??? primaPologies to any with sentimental ties to their intended message (likely their dead cat’s name). Methinks this dude is not rolling out to ‘da club anytime soon. And then doubling down with the Christmas wreath and flames??? This broseph is cruising straight to loserville.
Exhibit 2: Not to be outdone, check out this fine example of a plate that is sure to clearly convey the driver’s message while zipping along at 60 mph:
“UHOTM8″… what the f*%k?! OK, we’ll play along. I wondered if the operator’s identity would help to decipher the message? Speeding ahead, we observed a younger, ethnic male driver – millennial age for sure. So here we go:
- “You Hot Mate?” Perhaps our driver is looking for a new boyfriend?
- “You Hot Mate!” Our driver is passing along a compliment … but only to other dudes?
- “You Ho Tomate” No idea.
- “Uh Oh Team 8” Feeling of exasperation if Alex Ovechkin’s (#8) Washington Capitals go on a losing streak?
Feel free to add your best guess as we have no idea. But what we do know is this: Stay away from the vanity plates – if you’re not in the 1%, you’re going to be a ZIP for sure. And for the love of god, please don’t decorate your car with Christmas wreaths, reindeer antlers, flame decals, or … and you loyal primaReaders know whats next … FAMILY STICK FIGURES! If so, YOU ARE A ZIP!!!!
This has got to end … and quickly! Look, we get it; free agency in sports has caused all of our favorite gladiators to become ‘boys. Problem is this is happening both off and ON the field. Couple that with wussification rules across the board and it’s no wonder that we yearn for the battles of yesteryear.
Never again will we see the great Larry Bird and Dr. J throwing hands at each other or Chuck Bednarik standing over Frank Gifford saying “this fucking game is OVER” (and not coincidentally Mr. Kathy Lee’s playing career as well). Instead, we get the love-fest shown below. After a very hard hitting and emotional game last night, the Cowboy fans are treated to this???!! Look, primatomma realizes this is commonplace in soccer, but what’s next? Feigning injuries like futbol’s “warriors” so as to induce a red card? (Or is it green card? Having a hard time finding any soccer fans in the office).
After spending $100 on tickets, $50 on parking, and $200 on concessions, you’d think our vitriol for the enemy would be shared by those pocketing our cash. It’s not. So wise up and realize these guys are mostly making business decisions. The more they cozy up off the field the less likely they’ll be hammered on the field. And that sucks for all of us.
Zeke Elliott and OBJ, for continuing this annoying jersey swap trend, you two are now primatomma #ZIP award recipients.
Dateline: Thanksgiving, 2016 – Sheraton Hotel, King of Prussia, PA
Lesson: The family that flannels together, stays together.
Witty quip: Eat your heart out Duluth Trading Co.
Welcome to our newest feature … ZIP! What does it mean you ask? From the Kings of Kool, the Purveyors of Platitudes, the Sultans of Swag … we are proud to announce “ZEROs IN PUBLIC“!
On the eve of tomorrow’s historic presidential election, the campaigns have made one thing abundetly clear: Be careful how you act lest be held to account later. In that spirit, the tireless staff of #primatomma has devoted to the cause of making life better NOW. We are calling out anti-prima behavior as it happens so you, our valued primareaders, can enjoy life with as little disruption as possible caused by such toolsheds . At the very least it will be fun to point out douches doing douchey things!
So send in your submissions and help change the world, calling out one ZIP at a time.
Our inaugeral ZIP goes to this peach of a coed hanging at the Selwyn Pub in the Myers Park neighborhood of Charlotte, NC (great little dive bar, btw). After the “bucket ‘o beers” special expired, she was exasperated by that fact that she would now have to pay $3 more for her beloved 6 PBR’s in a can! The horror!!!
Congrats to our favorite Clemson Crony – keep on keepin’ on!