#pipiLeaks: Spare me your half a** dinner party!

This morning we had the misfortune of stumbling upon this half-baked treatise of maintaining friendships:  Bring back the Potluck and the Half A** Dinner Party, Please.

Cliffs Notes:  Author-Mom reminiscing about the days of yore, before children and their toys and clothes cluttered everything from the family room to the toilet.  Back when plans with friends were marked by formal dinner parties, nice clothes, and too much drinking.  But the urchins have changed all that.  Now, get-togethers are the province of restaurants which include babysitter fees and overpriced wine.  So she’s fighting back:  For all who are tired with preparing spotless dining rooms and fine cuisine to feed their dinner party guests, our heroine is championing the pigsty room with kids’ crap everywhere, lousy pizza, and cheap wine.  Because nothing says “come spend 5 hours with us kibitzing and laughing” better than Papa John’s and Sutter Home!

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Ummm, no.  It’s #pipiLeaks time.  Who in their right mind, in today’s helter skelter world, would want to spend their hard earned free time with a college dorm themed gathering? We get it, things aren’t always perfect.  But if you don’t have the wherewithal to scoop up all of your kids’ crap and throw into a closet, put a some macaroni in a casserole dish with some quality ground meat, cheese, and marinara, and at least a few bottles of an Orin Swift derivative (which aren’t all that great any longer btw), please spare us this “dinner party” invitation.

Here’s the deal, Christine Organ is the latest #pipiLeaks recipient not because she happens to enjoy informal gatherings of friends where the camaraderie outweighs the pomp and circumstance.  Nothing wrong with a case of beer, pizza, and a football game.  The coveted award is for the “poser” attitude.

Look, words do matter, as does MY TIME!  So if you’re hosting a “dinner party” which winds up being the slop mentioned in this article, then you, honey, are a poser.  And Potluck??? Really?  Are we back in college pulling our resources since we all have $240 in our ATM accounts?  This is not to say that everyone is at the same financial level but there’s something to be said to acting in accordance to your means.  There’s no rule that says you have to serve filet mignon and lobster tail with a butler (though that’s a strong-ass dinner party!), but at least clean up your damn house and make an effort!  I don’t have a lot of free time and you can be damn sure if it’s spent under the false pretense of a “dinner party” and instead encounter the garbage suggested by Ms. Organ, there’s going to be some Samuel L. Jackson invectives hurled at your mother f**er as!

Congrats Christine Organ, you are the coveted winner of the #pipiLeaks award.  Not sure what that means?  Here you go:

What is #pipiLeaks?

 

 

 

 

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#pipiLeaks: Rage on a Plane

Who would have thought this would happen so quickly?  Must be something about political dissent on airplanes.  By now you’ve seen the miserable woman spew hatred on her Trump supporter row-mate (an odd assumption, considering his only admission of his purpose for being in DC was to “… to celebrate democracy ma’am”.)   

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As easy as this one seems, your dedicated primaStaff approached this version of Snakes on a Plane a bit differently, for the esteemed #pipiLeaks prize does not award easily.  Far be it to hand it to this wonderfully kind woman engaging in small chit-chat during the airline safety briefing.  No, today’s award goes to … HER HUSBAND!

Upon initial viewing, all focus lies on the unprovoked ranting of a stone cold shrew.  But it takes a keen primaMind to look under the surface.  Mr. Cuck is by far the biggest story here.  We assume the years of brow beating by his ray of sunshine wife has finally taken it’s toll, to the point where he simply has had enough and has given up… as evidenced by his reaction in this alternate video that has since surfaced:

This episode is clearly not the first of it’s kind.  To sit by so placidly and dejectedly is an affront to manhood and womanhood alike.  And for that Sir Cuck, you are hereby awarded the 2nd ever recipient of the heralded #pipiLeaks award.  Wear it with honor.

 

 

It’s finally here … #pipiLeaks

It’s finally here.  After months in the new product incubator, at the secret primatomma headquarter location, our newest feature is finally ready for public view.  Before the official unveiling, a note on further primaEnhancements:  Soon, your beloved site will see a complete functional redo.  Your favorite original content will continue to be our hallmark, calling out morons vs. role-models, sports heroes vs. goats, political triumphs vs. failures, fashion trends vs. “what are those?!”, musical genius vs. guitar hero wannabes…   Next, contributor feeds will factor prominently as we continue our work to enlighten you, our primaAudience, to the coolness that is your destiny.

Now for our newest feature; may we introduce you to #pipiLeaks.  What is it you may ask?  Well, pretty simple.  In forming an embryo, it takes two to tango.  And without getting too graphic, #pipiLeaks refers to the formation of such life by a mere trickle contribution from the male participant in the act.  For it’s the only logical explanation how that life can grow into such loser-ville.  Now this is not your garden variety toolshed who does something dopey that requires our outing … our #zIP protocol is ready and awaiting them. #pipiLeaks is more “Lifetime Achievement Award”, brought on by an action so deplorable that public shaming is not only warranted but justified.

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Without further adieu, we announce the inaugural recipients of the not-so-coveted #pipiLeaks award to that power couple of power couples, Matthew Lasner and Dan Goldstein.  You know the story, Ivanka Trump decides to fly commercial along with her husband and three small children.  While boarding, these two rough and tumblers decide to excoriate Ivanka – in front of her children – for the perceived sins of her father. Regardless of your political leanings, this is about as pussified a move as possible.  The same would be said should Chelsea Clinton suffer a similar indignity.  Our only wish was being able to encounter these husbands on said flight.  Methinks the reaction would have been a tad less classy than Ivanka and family portrayed.

Now we realize these tool-sheds are easy pickings, but this is after all the standard bearer for #pipiLeaks.  And what better way to kick-off than with obvious political ideologues – a professor from Hunter College and a Brooklyn employment attorney.  Far be it for us to critique anyone’s political pronouncements but there’s a time and a place.  And when you step out of line, the tireless staff at primatomma will be there to bring your antics to light.

Lastly, we’d be remiss to not thank Fox News contributor Jesse Watters for calling out these ass-hats who are sure to be lauded as bastions of political disagreement by some deranged segment of our population.  Well done Mr. Watters … you are a primaJournalist!  Enjoy the video:

http://www.video.foxnews.com/v/5274397539001