How Christian McCaffrey Helps Solve Immigration Reform


Unless you live under a rock, you know that the annual NFL bacchanal (otherwise known as the NFL Draft) has finally arrived.  And atop the Rocky steps in the City of Brotherly Love no less!  A sure first round pick is the RB/WR/KR extraordinaire from Stanford, Christian McCaffrey.  Now nothing is really a sure thing in the draft, as nice and shiny as the players look in the showroom, there’s always some warts; McCaffrey is no different.  See, prior to the draft, there’s an annual cattle call (i.e. “Combine”) where most of the prospective draftees are poked, prodded, questioned, and tested to supply additional data points beyond the hours of tape from their college careers.  Unfortunately for C-Mac (claiming primaCredit here … have yet to hear that nickname!), he flat out sucked on the bench press test.

Even though the dude is an athletic freak, laying flat on his back and pressing 225 lbs. as many times as he can is not one of his more accomplished feats.  He pressed that weight a paltry 10 times compared to others at his position who mostly reached the 18-30 rep mark.  (This morning, we put primatomma80 to the test.  After a 4 day golf bender, our man still repped out 13.5!  He’s too modest to admit so he recused himself from contributing to today’s missive).  Nobody’s suggesting that prima is now ranked higher than C-Mac on the NFL draft boards. Reams of other data predicting C-Mac’s NFL success is unfortunately light years ahead of our esteemed colleague.

NFL draft decision-makers will undoubtedly select C-Mac with the 8th pick tonight, currently held by the Carolina Panthers.  And the reason is COMPROMISE.  That’s right, they’re willing to compromise the lack of performance on the bench press in lieu of his accomplishments on the field, his intelligence, and all of the other physical measurables such as 40 time and vertical.

If only the nudnicks in Washington could understand the “C” word.  We are a country of amazing resources and extremely varied backgrounds.  We certainly could come up with workable solutions for our most vexing problems if only each side could push away from their entrenched, ideological positions of ALWAYS fully disagreeing with the other side.  So borrowing from the C-Mac example, here’s how we handle immigration reform.

First, some givens:

  • R’s want to build a wall to keep out illegals, guns, drugs:  Reasonable
  • D’s don’t want to build a wall because of cost and offending our southern neighbors: Reasonable on the cost disagreement, Not Reasonable on avoiding offending our neighbors while our country suffers
  • R’s want to rid the country of illegal immigrants, focusing on those who have committed crimes:  Reasonable
  • D’s don’t want to deport illegals, even criminals as it likely will seep into ALL illegals, many of whom risked life and limb to get here, likely did not have the financial means or knowledge to navigate the legal immigration process, have become contributing members of society, and have families who were either born in the US or have assimilated into their communities.  Uprooting these folks would cause major issues of splitting families, etc.:  Reasonable

Here’s the compromise that nearly satisfies all, not fully, but to a degree that all sides should be able to live with:

  • Build the wall.
  • How do we pay?  Ted Cruz’s “El Chapo” act seems to be a pretty good idea.  In essence, we use money forfeited from the criminal prosecution of drug lords … a dollar amount in the neighborhood of $14BB.  That should give us a pretty nice down-payment!
  • Continue to focus on deporting criminals here illegally, but with a guarantee that it stops there.
  • Once wall is complete, offer clemency and a path to citizenship for illegals for a 90 day period.  If you can’t prove steps have been taken to become citizens during that 90 day period and your swept up, you’re out.  Hey, we tried … and if you’re found after this time, you more than likely arrived after these efforts have been in effect and the buck must stop somewhere.

There you go, a nice C-Mac compromise that most assuredly will never happen.