Presenting … the primaTomies!

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programing of disgraced Hollywood moguls and A-listers – who believe their status in the world of make believe gives license to unzip, pop out, and disgrace their loved ones – with a word from our sponsors.  OK, not really OUR sponsors but those who have earned the right to [dis]grace the pages of our fine site.  We present to you the worst commercial finalists, as nominated by our loyal followers.

Ladies and gentlemen, the primaTomies‘:

Terrible Commercial Nominees

Annoying Verizon spokesman turned Sprint spokesman.

This dude was a tool with Verizon and continues to be annoying with Sprint.  Hey Paul, why not just say “I’m pimping Sprint now because they’re paying me more than Verizon … and all those ads I ran for 10 years for Verizon, just forget about them.”  Once a tool always a tool:

Condescending Trivago guy.

You know, the women really nailed the best physical descriptor ever with “Resting Bitch Face”.  We try in vain to match that with our “Wanting to Punch you in the Face, Face”.  Not quite the same ring, but it’s the thought that counts.  And who would you rather punch in the face more than this condescending, would rather be doing anything than talk to us, divorced-dad-type trying to be too cool-for-school poser?

Dallas Cowboy Repping … Insurance??!!!

GEICO must not have done their homework.  Or maybe they have:  The organization that is wrought with drugs, misogyny, frequenting of prostitutes, DUI convictions, etc. is chosen to represent a company that aims to appeal to all Americans?

To be clear, Jason Witten is a good dude and really not deserving of the Cowboys’ horns but this commercial blows regardless of the team.  First of all, they give him a generic “82” jersey that 1) has the numbers way too spread out, and 2) doesn’t even reference his team.  What, GEICO can’t afford to pay the fee to use his actual jersey?  And the lighting, the dumb-ass drills, and the even dumber song makes us cringe every time this low-rent trash of a commercial airs.  Maybe their intent was to show a broke-ass, cheap commercial for a product of the same characteristics?  If so, GEICO, you succeeded.

“And the winner is…”

This was a tough vote for the primaStaff, but we have reached a verdict:  As nausea-inducing as all of these fine finalists may be, one truly causes the dry heaves with each view… that of GEICO infamy!  Congratulations GEICO and Mr. Witten, you receive the inaugural lousy commercial award!  Your primaTomie is in the mail.

Next up, the best commercials; stay tuned…

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