Yo prima’s, it’s that time again. THE day on the sports calendar that trumps all others. The opening day of March Madness. Now the tournament itself is hands down the greatest sporting event of the year, but nothing matches the excitement, the heartbreak, the last second buzzer beaters quite like the first day. And we are a mere 17 hours away from the opening tip! Be still, my beating heart!!!!
So that got the creative juices flowing here at the primaOffice; everyone coming forth with ideas of “what else is the greatest in their category”? That said, we present you with a bunch of other really cool shit:
Personal Hygiene: Why does nether-region hygiene issues always default to the ladies? Guys, it’s time to look in the mirror and clean up your act! When you’re questioning time and time again why the bloom fell off the rose with your significant other, it’s likely due to your disgusting odor. Clean yourself up with Fresh Balls and rekindle your romance.
Beach Coolers: This thing is all it’s cracked up to be and more. The “Coolest Cooler” is the most studly cooler imaginable. Here’s the features:
- LED Lights
- Bluetooth Speaker
- Magnetized Bottle Opener/Corkscrew
- USB Charger
- Rubberized Wheels
- Cutting Board
Even John Candy in Summer Rental would look prima with this bad boy!
Recreational Vehicles: Stay with me here. The Segway X2 with off-road tires are in fact KICK-ASS! Here’s the deal though … no helmets. You have to be prima to pull it off; if not, you become Paul Blart: Mall Cop. But if you have the goods to represent, what’s cooler than cruising around on an all-terrain Segway (cup holder recommended for your tall boy), mid party, challenging all comers with a time trial???!!! But know your limits; misfire on this one and it’s on you!
Medical Treatment: This is truly the greatest thing since sliced bread – IV Hydration Therapy. This directly from the website of Hydrate Medical (which has been sampled by a few staff members): “An epic night can require one epic recovery. Revitalize and recover quickly with this serious energy boosting, symptom eliminating, detoxifying drip. Filled with antioxidants and stacked with the medications to alleviate symptoms, you will be feeling great.”
Nothing truer has EVER been written. Not only does it “make you feel great” it makes you king of the world where a 5 hour car ride tempts you to turn right around and make it a 10. Just ‘cuz.
Golf Caddy: We get it, hard to argue anything cool about golf. Ah, but that may have just changed with the “GolfBoard“. You now have the ability to knock out 6 hours of your day, vacillating from rage to euphoria (your two pars), all without nary a sweat. Golf cart you say? No way! You’re surfing the links with this part golf cart/part surfboard/part skateboard – GolfBoard. And best part is that you aren’t stuck talking with some jamoke that you get paired up with to make your threesome a foursome while your two
buddies yuck it up all the way to the 19th hole!
Air Travel: ANY airline in South/Central America! Safety concerns aside, all you need to know is the employment of stewardesses who can meander the aisle without drilling your knee that’s sticking out 3/4″ into the aisle. But better yet, they’re actually NICE TO YOU! Novel, we know. But there’s even more… and have saved the best for last. FREE beverage service that’s pulled from carts stocked with BOOZE! Yep, and top shelf at that. We about fell out of our seats upon learning. And even better, they go up and back, up and back offering refills! Now we realize this isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but c’mon man, it’s the small things in life that matter!
(Editor’s Note: We apologize for the 1960’s image, but honestly, it was much more prima then compared to the soft-serve lifestyle we’re expected to live now! See Draper, Don).
Three ppp’s for all of these!