It’s finally here. After months in the new product incubator, at the secret primatomma headquarter location, our newest feature is finally ready for public view. Before the official unveiling, a note on further primaEnhancements: Soon, your beloved site will see a complete functional redo. Your favorite original content will continue to be our hallmark, calling out morons vs. role-models, sports heroes vs. goats, political triumphs vs. failures, fashion trends vs. “what are those?!”, musical genius vs. guitar hero wannabes… Next, contributor feeds will factor prominently as we continue our work to enlighten you, our primaAudience, to the coolness that is your destiny.
Now for our newest feature; may we introduce you to #pipiLeaks. What is it you may ask? Well, pretty simple. In the formation of an embryo, it takes two to tango. And without getting too graphic, #pipiLeaks refers to the formation of such life by a mere trickle contribution from the male participant in the act. For it’s the only logical explanation how that life can grow into such loser-ville. Now this is not your garden variety toolshed who does something dopey that requires our outing … our #zIP protocol is ready and awaiting them. #pipiLeaks is more “Lifetime Achievement Award”, brought on by an action so deplorable that public shaming is not only warranted but justified.
Without further adieu, we announce the inaugural recipients of the not-so-coveted #pipiLeaks award to that power couple of power couples, Matthew Lasner and Dan Goldstein. You know the story, Ivanka Trump decides to fly commercial along with her husband and three small children. While boarding, these two rough and tumblers decide to excoriate Ivanka – in front of her children – for the perceived sins of her father. Regardless of your political leanings, this is about as pussified a move as possible. The same would be said should Chelsea Clinton suffer a similar indignity. Our only wish was being able to encounter these husbands on said flight. Methinks the reaction would have been a tad less classy than Ivanka and family portrayed.
Now we realize these tool-sheds are easy pickings, but this is after all the standard bearer for #pipiLeaks. And what better way to kick-off than with obvious political ideologues – a professor from Hunter College and a Brooklyn employment attorney. Far be it for us to critique anyone’s political pronouncements but there’s a time and a place. And when you step out of line, the tireless staff at primatomma will be there to bring your antics to light.
Lastly, we’d be remiss to not thank Fox News contributor Jesse Watters for calling out these ass-hats who are sure to be lauded as bastions of political disagreement by some deranged segment of our population. Well done Mr. Watters … you are a primaJournalist! Enjoy the video: