Holiday Party F*&^-ups

 

Tis the season for parties galore.  The age-old office party with Stan from Accounting becoming Stan from “The Hangover”, the neighborhood party where you may as well just visit your closest neighbor as that’s the only person you talk to, and the granddaddy of them all – the extended family gift exchange party.  Only that we don’t really exchange gifts all that much anymore since we barely know our families.   Rather, we blindly draw from a hat who to shower some Christmas love upon via $50 Amazon gift card.

Oh the joy.  Well, we here at primatomma aim to help you meander through this holiday merriment.  Some pointers, covering both party-goers and party-throwers:

  • If you throw a party, for the love of all that is sacred, PLEASE serve decent wine.  Now we don’t expect Caymus or Opus One, but anything sub $10/bottle is just not acceptable.  If you’re not a oenophile, fine; just ask the store what to buy.  Unless you’re still in a fraternity, the hunk of cheese you buy for the app tray shouldn’t exceed the cost of the vino.  (Note:  Not sure if you’re guilty of said infraction?  Count the number of half-filled glasses during your party post-mortem.)
  • Put the phone away.  You would think that we’re talking to teenagers, but cell phone creep is slipping into adulthood.  If you’re staring down at your latest i-whatever, don’t blame us for not talking to you!
  • Have a theme/purpose for getting together.  Over the holidays, you’re in luck:  Between football games, the aforementioned gift exchange, etc., you should have a baked-in reason for the gathering.  Nothing worse than a ‘party’ where upon arrival, all you have is crappy wine and people staring at their phones.  Have a reason for us to at least pretend to want to be together with some possible conversation topic other than “how’s work?”.
  • If I’m serving you food, stay the hell out of my kitchen.  That’s right, I invited you to serve your ass and make you happy.  Just because you have the patent on gravy ingredients doesn’t mean mine is going to suck.  Tip: If you want your gravy served, have your own damn party!
  • Make sure everyone is properly introduced.  What’s worse than attending a party where you only know the hosts and there’s no introduction to the rest?  Hosts:  make some introductions.  Guests who know everyone:  Get your face out of your phone and say hello, shake a hand, bow, or whatever shit you may do to make someone feel welcomed.

So there you have it.  Quick summary for enjoyable parties:  Decent wine –  phones away – have a theme – stay out of my kitchen! – make introductions.  Do these things and, voila, instant party success!

Almost forgot … you may be wondering, “Why the photo of Kim K along with a pastry at the top, primatomma?”  Silly primaReader, you don’t recognize Santa’s famous greeting???

“HO – HO – HO!”

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4 comments

  1. JB · December 27

    Why not Caymus? if I am coming to your house, have a reason for me to return.
    I like Ho Ho’s!
    One other suggestion, encourage people to use your furniture and expand beyond the island in your kitchen….built for 5….and 17 jockeying for position.
    And by the way prima, how many are you guilty of?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. primatomma80 · December 27

    Guilty of: 0 (I’m perfect)
    You serving Caymus: When? I’m there until it runs out or I pass out.
    Kitchen Island: Well done!

    Like

  3. MT · December 27

    This is hilarious and so true. Let me add one thing on the wine front: if you are an attendee to a nice party where you know your hosts have spent a very pretty penny to host you ( decor, food, entertainment AND good wine) DONT bring a crappy bottle of $12 wine as your hostess gift ( REALLY ? $6 each is what you think is worthy? ). You’d spend probably $20 for one drink / glass of vino at your fave watering hole / eatery – ONE. I’d think you could spring for a $20 bottle per couple to have a nice evening out! I’d personally have you bring nothing then be stuck with bottles of cheap, hangover makers I have to find something to do with. PrimaFOUL

    Liked by 1 person

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