So here’s where we are with respect to the most highly sought after ticket in Washington DC today … the annual White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner. (Well, maybe just behind Caps/Pens tix, but you get my drift). Once reserved only for the top of the food chain, the celebrities’ celebrities. If you were on the guest list (and not part of the hi-brow media that covers politics like Clearasil covers pimples) you were THE cause celebre, THE must-see celebrity with whom mere mortals could only hope to bump shoulders.
So what’s the 2016 guest list? We’ll spare you the exhaustive list and provide the most interesting. And lest you, our prima reader, infer a hint of partisanship in this rant, I counter that the buck stops with our fearless leader’s approval of this group of B-listers. So Prez’O takes the heat on this one. But who’s really paying attention to him anyway with the pending hurricane of the upcoming Trump/Hillary debates (which would set a pay-per-view record … just sayin’).
I present you with the 2016 Correspondents’ Association B-Listers:
- NeNe Leakes. I suppose WikiLeaks was unavailable? We’re seriously including these tramps from the Real Housewives drivel as guests to Washington’s most anticipated social even of the year? I guess the Real Housewives of the White House is next; would seem to be a decent fit.
- Sen Bernie Sanders. Of course … free dinner for the Bernmeister.
- Kendall Jenner. OK, where to start here??? Certainly a hottie, a young woman who at age 20 has earned more than everyone reading this … combined! But it just seems that anything attached to the Jenner/Kardashian clan should be rejected like Caitlyn does her penis.
- Cheryl Ladd. Her credential still reads “Charlie’s Angels”, hearkening back to a kinder, gentler, more prosperous time in America. Wait, that was the Jimmy Carter era … NEXT! (But she is prima for looking this good at 64!):
- Tony Romo. Tony Romo. Tony Romo. Pictures worth 1,000 words:
- JC Chasez. Had to ask primaKC who he is. My embarrassment faded when she answered “OMG, he was my fave from NSYNC!” So I see he was born in DC, but if the Prez can’t even get the lead singer from NSYNC, how the fuck can we expect him to defeat ISIS?! Give Barry a break!
- Hope Solo. OK boys and girls, I’m getting tired and so finishing with this one. Hope had a prima chance as a legit celeb, being a 2 time Olympic gold medalist and a hottie in her own right. Then she started beating up family members while sauced and that ended her prima dreams. She’s best summed up by this perfect reader comment from the WaPo this morning: “…would be awesome if she got drunk and beat the crap out of someone.”
Enjoy the festivities all!
After that thriller of the NCAA championship game, the TV Show Sweet 16 had to take a breather. Hats off to Kris Jenkins and the Villanova Wildcats for a remarkable run!
But back to the REAL tournament where action was fast and furious on the right side of the bracket.
The day tipped off with what seemed a back and forth upset in the making with (2) Homeland taking on (15) Younger. Younger’s youth was spent by the half when they kept it within 4 but the wily Homeland vets proved too much to handle in the 2nd half. Saul Berenson recovered from a sleepy first half to record a triple double (13/11/10). The game took a turn for the worse for Younger when star forward Liza Miller was deemed ineligible for lying about her age.
The biggest upset of the day belonged to (11) American Horror Story and their bracket-busting performance over heavily favored (6) Shameless. This one went down the wire where it was evident the last team with the ball stood the best chance to grab the ‘W’. Shameless’ Frank Gallagher blew a chance to pull ahead by 3, missing both free throws with 6.2 seconds to go. Inexplicably, he ran to the bench after missing the second free throw to receive comforting from Sheila Jackson while his assignment, The Countess, slipped behind the defense and laid in an easy layup from a masterful outlet from her trans-gendered bartender Donovan to seal the victory. They’ll need all the dark magic they can conjure to continue their success vs. Homeland.
Equaling that drama was (8) The Americans vs. (9) Vinyl. This ‘pick-em’ at the tip was all it was cracked up to be. The stars did not disappoint: Americans’ Philip Jennings led all scorers with 29 but was nearly matched bucket by bucket by Vinyl’s Richie Finestra (27 points). But a late turnover Paige Jennings – hearkening memories of Freddy Brown’s infamous UNC gaffe – allowed Zac Yankovich to dribble out the clock securing the 4 point victory. *Post-game note: Sources reveal that Paige’s turnover was intentional as proof of her secret training and devotion to Vinyl.
The nightcap pitted (4) Ray Donovan vs. (13) Better Call Saul. A sloppy affair at best, caused by ‘Saul’s strategy to slow down the fast breaking ‘Donovan’, resulted in a relatively easy win by the favorite. A paltry 40% shooting percentage doomed Saul’s strategy with only one starter – Mike Ehrmantraut – scoring in double digits (15 pts.). Donovan’s waves of offensive fire-power was too much for Saul’s aging cast. Bunchy Donovan led all scorers with 18, but shared the spotlight with brother Terry (17 pts.). Mickey Donovan was conspicuously absent in the first half. We later learned that Coach Ezra Goldman was disciplining the veteran for “conduct unbecoming” when he left son Terry locked in a security room as Mickey fled the police. Team Captain Ray Donovan was notably disgusted as his post-game presser when asked about Mickey, abruptly exiting the dais dressed in an Armani warm-up. NOT a good vibe with upstart Vinyl waiting in the wings.
This weekend’s Great 8 is sure to see even better story lines!
There’s no denying our obsession with the NCAA tournament. And the cause of our obsession is the bracket. It’s flexibility allowing for competition outside of sports is unrivaled.
So without further adieu, here are the first round, left side bracket results from the inaugural primatomma TV Show Sweet 16:
Today’s action provided a lot of excitement but just one upset. Unlike it’s NCAA brethren, we’ve already spared the faux excitement of early round Cinderellas who inevitably fall apart under the bright lights. (And for all of you purests, we’ve magically re-seeded the survivors to show rankings of 1-16.)
The biggest blowout of the day belongs to (1) House of Cards and their complete undressing of over-matched (16) Girls. Frank and Claire barely worked up a lather in dispatching this pretender that somehow has gained mass viewership by airing naked scenes of folks who should remain clothed. The route allowed the ‘House’ bench to gain valuable experience for Doug Stamper (leading scorer – 24 points), Remy Dalton (10 boards) and even President Petrov (8 assists, but stole 5 from the Jordan Valley and is officially credited with 13). Such experience will be valuable indeed as they await the winner of the 7 vs. 10 match-up…
(7) True Detective vs. (10) Shades of Blue saw the rare occurrence of Vegas favoring the lower seeded ‘Shades’. And right they were as the 9 point victory was really never that close. Woz and Harlee executed the high pick and roll to perfection while ‘Detective’ threw at them varying combinations of Rust Cohle/Marty Hart and Ray Velcoro/Frank Semyon to no avail. Not surprising as ‘Detective’ limped into the tournament with a disappointing second season. Onto the Great 8 for ‘Shades’!
A very controversial 14 seed, Narcos, gave the previously unheralded (3) Peakey Blinders about all they could handle. Trailing by 2 with 2.3 seconds to go, Tommy Shelby gathered a perfect pass at midcourt from Aunt Polly thanks to a very questionable moving pick from brother Arthur (who was swaying from his time-out Irish Whiskey refreshment), wheeled and swished a three-pointer ala Christian Laettner to secure their advance to the Great 8. All that was left was Pable Escobar’s tears as he slipped on a mound of narcotics.
Another thriller featured (5) Billions vs. (12) Ballers. A defensive struggle throughout, Spencer Strasmore set the tone early with a devastating technical foul in the opening minutes when Chuck Rhoades took a perfect pass on a backdoor cut from Mike “Wags” Wagner. Strasmore sent Rhoades sprawling into camera row with a well placed elbow. The benches briefly emptied but cooler heads prevailed when Billions’ Head Coach Wendy Rhoades gathered players from both teams at mid-court and reminded all of their higher purpose. The game teetered back and forth with the largest lead being a mere 6 points by Ballers at the half, but MVP candidate Bobby Axelrod’s 18 points proved too much for the valiant defensive effort put forth by Ballers Ricky Jerret, who held “Axe” well below his 26 point season average.
The right side of the bracket tips tomorrow at noon … sure to be a drain on GDP as America tunes in to another day of fast-paced action of shows with daydreams of a Final Four appearance in their future ratings.