Gronk… ALL ABOARD!

Gronk-party-ship-06-12-15

It’s the Gronk cruise and you better check your inhibitions on the welcome plank because once aboard, you’re in for 3 days/nights of pure bacchanal on the high seas!  By now, you’ve heard all about it: Rob Gronkowski, the Patriots’ All-Pro Tight End, he of raucous TD celebrations and spikes that render footballs flat, whose family home is more Animal House than Full House and whose penchant for partying rivals our sports heroes from yesteryear, invited 800 of his closest friends for a booze-cruise that re-defines the term.  Along with his brothers, dad, Waka Flocka, and Flo Rida (you know, “…Shawty got low low low low, low low low low”), Rob and posse made everyone feel like they were the guests of honor by personally toasting each with just what guests of honor deserve – lemon drop shots and Jameson.

From Babe Ruth and Joe DiMaggio to Joe Namath to Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley, there’s something about boozing into the wee hours and then dropping 63 points on well rested foes the next day that transcends these guys beyond mere Hall of Famers.  They become living legends whose athletic accomplishments are surpassed only by their super-human powers to dominate the nightlife as they do the court/field.

But there’s one small catch for these burgeoning sports/partying heroes. Better not fuck up with drugs, hookers, or any other unseemly activity or you’ll be damned into the category of Latrell Sprewell, Michael Vick, and Lenny Dykstra.

And that leads us to the bubbling cauldron that’s seeping up regarding the Gronk Cruise:  Is he getting an unfair pass?  Some claim ‘yes’, with claims of racism … that a black player would not be granted the same latitude as Gronk, a white player.  The comparison most often cited is Cam Newton.

Look, the issue isn’t race; its personality and track record.  Cam has a big personality, but he sulks when things go awry.  Yes, he’s great when things are going well; giving footballs to little kids, etc.  But don’t forget his scandal prior to the NFL – when transferring from junior college, his father demanded suitors to pay for his services, which many believe Auburn in fact did.

Gronk has no such history.  He’s regarded as the best at his position and a player who leaves everything on the field. And then leaves everything at the party … which normally includes his shirt.  Gronk will continue to receive this treatment – which primatomma supports – until he beats up a girlfriend, gets caught on video rolling dollar bills into straws to snort blow, has his car impounded with 200 lbs. of weed, etc.  By all indicators, this is highly unlikely.  Gronk and his family approach the line separating ‘boys being boys’ and police blotter offenses but know when to abort mission; when good natured adult fun turns creepy or even criminal.

primatomma is going to put the racial issue of the Gronk cruise to rest:  The comparison of Gronk to Cam isn’t one of race but of personality.  Gronk is today’s Shaq; fun-loving, approachable, even admirable in his ability to live life on his terms.  Now if we were to swap out Gronk with Johnny Manziel, receiving a pass on this behavior, the race-baiters would have cause.  Manziel is a loser; more like famous flameouts John Rocker or Ryan Leaf who just couldn’t say ‘no’ to controversy.  Rocker being a true racist and Leaf, a child in a man’s body who needed the powder more than TD’s.  So back off the racist claims; fellow brothers have gotten the same fee passes that Gronk now enjoys (see: Barkley, Charles).

Gronk cruise, for your pure awesomeness, we dub you the 2nd official recipient of the coveted 3 prima award.  Well done!  p p p

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